:: Sunshine & Lollipops

I'm beaten. Again and again. I lose. Again and again. I'm weak. Again and again. I hate it. Again and again. I'm so sick of not being as good as my siblings. I love them so goddam much. And if they were any less phenomenal I'd be just that much more upset.

So,

I can take a challenge. I can rock life too. I'm smaller, slower, stupider and keep falling down, but I will just keep getting back up. I will not stop getting up. Unless you cut off my shins you will not find me on my knees. And I know I will never win but I'll give you one hell of a go.

Everyday ends
This is how I feel today
It's both bad and good

:: Winter Shows Up

Cal weather. Saturday, -7, Sunday -8, Monday -50 with the windchill... Yup. And the wind was directly against me. They say in a few days it'll be nice again. I don't exactly love it _that_ cold but I like the change. Still sunny. :p
This was me on Friday night, It was pretty nice out but had a bit of wind. I didn't feel like being cold. I didn't spend the night at 22. So I got to drink guinness. Anyway, I'm a stylish drunk.
This was sometime last week. It was a beautiful morning and all the trees and stuff were like this. I love when it goes like that.
Turn head left.
Shark gave me a gift certificate for xday and I turned it into this last week. Leeloo Alan, Multi-tool.
Heh, went to the roughnecks lacross games on saturday with these two monkeys. Dave is suspicious in this one.
I just can't catch them both, oh well. Jason! After a look like this one he always laughs.
Yours Truly. Goddam I'm attractive. Tell the ladies. Available, gorgeous, filled with hate, a good lay. adk


Nolan is a starter on the roughnecks and he used to work at House of Mirrors. He played well and was happy to see us. We have tickets to every game now. Neat.

Everyday ends
Put on an extra layer
Feel and taste the cold

:: Money Talks

Food. My healthy/light dinner day. Unofficially Wednesday. I had some salad with broccoli, cucumber and some cheddar alongside a couple sandwich's and some fried fresh soya snow peas. White wine to drink. All very nice. The peas are the treat here.
Oh, no! Loose change is unhappy! What's wrong pocket jingler?
Ho ho ho! Wait a minute. He was just messing with you. He's fine.
And now look how pretty he is. So pretty. How much you want to bet the day I buy rolls for this change I bump the table and it all falls down? I can't win on this bet. Amaretto on the rocks has a cameo appearance in this shot, too.


Words. I have so much to say and no way to say it. And when I think it is not when I want to write it. So, I struggle and go through a world of thought everyday everyhour until I'm exhausted and I can't share it with you.

I'll keep trying. Know though my depths are dark. Be ready, but not scared. My side is the right side. Live in dark and the light will show itself.

Everyday ends
Black and white is how it is
See both sides, choose one

:: Pics

One or two pics. Otherwise things need shaking up.
A set.A set via sunglasses.
One of two have finally fallen off. Now I have to get a tattoo. Gunna be good.

:: Friday

So here's the scoop. Friday I live and die. Live. and. die. I wake up dead and come alive to do whatever in the whole world I need to do. I do it and I do it well. On Friday you can't stop me. If I work an 11 hour day without more than a ten minute break, I will live, just fine. and when I have little to do, that's cool, it's Friday, I die tonight.

People joke to me about what I'm going to do Friday after work. Friday night. The answer, always, 22. I have gone to the Cafe 22 every Friday since I've known about it for close to a year and change. I have missed 4 Friday's that I know of and probably 1 or two more I've forgotten. (Monday's and here-and-there days don't count... Friday I'm in love). So I've gone a lot and I've met many people there including my entire contingent of friends outside of work. Some real cool people and one or two real fucks. Mostly cool.

But every Friday has to end and I'm left walking home alone. Cold. Angry. Drunk. Sedated. Enraged. Happy. Growling.

Everything I think and want all week is never fully delivered. It is tough to actually say what I want from my friends, from myself, from strangers. From the world via the 3 televisions they have hanging from their ceiling.... I think what I want is love and friendship. I'd accept simple change but refuse romance. If I wanted true romance I'd move to Detroit. But to have someone close. Someone who with a smile, frown, or fart can make your day. That's gold.

I'd love to say I'm still looking but I keep my eyes shut. You're not where I want to meet you. I'm not who you'd want to meet while we're here. I'll open my eyes when the sun goes down if you'd open your eyes once a week to see a day end. You might catch me smiling.

Oh well, living hoping someone or something else will help you end your day is bologna. Just deal with it and drink some water.

Everyday ends

:: Make a List

My new notebook.... or listbook I should call it. I don't keep it on me all day so anything I think I need to remember I write on whatever is around and copy that to my comp. But I keep lists, or a list that is updated as I finish things on it and now this book is the book. Lists help me track my regret for the things I don't do and everytime I have to make a new list and an old "To Do" isn't done I get +1 depressed. Sometimes these can add up so much it seems like they can't be done. The key is doing them. Sounds easy, so does living. But once that crazy longterm entry finally gets taken care of it gives you +infinity relief and puts everything else around into perspective. Anyway I added this hook and loop to keep my page so I can always open it to the page I'm on. I could have boughten a bookmark but with a book like this skilfully crafted by the elwhy I had to step up.
The new tube.
Dig it. LOVE it.
The full setup. It is beautiful. It's maybe hard to see but for actual television programing I'm still using bunny ears and I get one station semi-clearly, CBC. It is a 40" LCD Sony Bravia. It's perfect. Now when I play games with chanty I can see whose killing us... or more accurately, our team.


So...... first week back at work..... yup..... nope. No good. There is no way to come back after that long and have things feel good. The best thing I had going for me was hat I had work to do and was kept very busy. Also the work I had went well. Still, Friday couldn't have come quick enough. Oh well. Fuck it dude (j).

I took care of a bunch of shit this weekend, my list is down to minor chores, and I'm going to sleep at a good time tonight and this is the official start to the work year. Monday, Graham construction, you're dead. Monday we kill.

Note: of all the things I did this holiday my chat with elwhy stands out as the most honest. Of course the reason I wasn't more honest the rest of the time was because that was my present to everyone. I was a nice person. I was not a lion. And don't get me wrong, I didn't mind it. I got to give my morals and ideas a backseat to agreeableness and family. Happy to be home though.

Everyday ends
Don't be afraid to let go
If just for one day

:: Day One

Hello folks. Welcome again to newday. To firstday. To the beginning of a new calender year... From now the year begins (or ends) on dec 21. The equinox. I'm calling it right now. It makes way more sense to have the year start and end in accordance with the rise and fall of the sun. So now I get to have two parties a year and I don't even give a care whether anyone parties with me or not. But if even one person does then that's two people who understand how a day ends and two is just enough.

As only my dyslexia can allow let me begin at the end.
My whole trip home was spent under these clouds. Ontario doesn't have a sun. Seven days gone and the first time I see sun is when the clouds suddenly stop 30 minutes from Calgary.
This is ON airport. All the planes got icy so they sprayed pink on the ice to make it go away and then they spray green to fool the snow into thinking it's summer grass so it doesn't land on the wings again. The green flies off once the plane takes off but by then the snow is too late. We escape unharmed.
This is all I'm showing for xday. More pics can be found in a few days via Lori (the one in purple) or probably even Dave (the one who has to deal with her). hehe jk mom. You guys both put on a wonderful xday. Thank you both.

In a few short words:
I left for home the Thursday b.x. and start stuck in regina (when they give me lighter back I'll capitalize their city). Brother Ben picked me up at the airport once finally in at about 3am and a quick hour later we're home at Em Pok Nor alseep in warm beds. Friday I meet Shyrete and grab Elwhy. We go Outback for dinner and gorge. Saturday I join a Rexdalian Rock Band and play games, eat, and chillout in DuffDungeon until 6am. The Next day (2hrs) I'm raced to catch a bus to catch a train to catch up with Kim. We shop in the biggest mall in the biggest city in T.O. and eat veggie burgers. I barely catch the next train to make it back to the ville. Where it's family for three days. Wednesday I meet up with E and we drink, talk and go party all night.

Then it was home Thursday for a rest. Short lived when it turns out Friday is, like, the day after Thursday. So I go to 22 and have a great time. Close it down and we all go out.
Katie is making her eyes big but even if she didn't she still has big eyes. They're very pretty. My eyes are prettier but the rest of my face makes up for it and I come away as "charming". I want to get to "dashing" but it's going to take a lot of work and maybe a tan.
Katie turns to appreciate the unmistakable heartfelt laugh of Bre-Ann, best bartender in Calgary and an even better person. Emily laughs along, a good friend of B's and a new one of mine. Jared can't keep his eyes open but that's cool 'cause it's impressive he can even stand at this point.

We have a fun night and another fun evening on Sunday. New years was chate. But I drank a delicious champagne Jan 1. Thanks Bebop.

History is boring. I want to do more in the moment. We'll see.

Everyday ends
And so ends another year
I will win this one