Today is fresh on my mind. I worked. 3 Shower stalls that all turned out beautiful at one house and fixed another mans mistakes in another. Pretty standard. Warm beautiful weather. Today was more or less perfect except everyone else likes it too. This only bothers me because I don't trust they enjoyed the winter enough or realize it's the change they like more than the weather itself. Maybe I'm wrong, please don't correct me. Here we had a great winter. If you are at all active this winter was nice to exercise in with just enough bitter cold to make staying in with some kick-ass pasta and pot worthwhile too. But I digress...
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Rant :: You can say what you want and that everything should be happy and good and we can have an argument about it... because you have a point. However I don't think you can make me believe that most people deserve to live. More than once I've been told if everyone had to follow the rules I create I would fall under my own "Not good enough" category. Judging me now it's true. But if I had to do more to live, I'm sure I would. I hope I would. Having this issue must be what it means to live with ones self. hmmmm... wait, but I can live with myself. Well enough anyway. It's everyone else I can't live with. Being the way I am I use logic* to pick apart and dissect every single moment with other people and the ensuing interactions and ideas. Both theirs and mine. A lot. Good and bad. Hopefully the gathered and processed information starts to produce results. Certainties, oddities, recurring stuff, how it felt and how I think it would have felt for others. A set of logical rules and paths emerges. Lessons, guides, and laws for life. No one would get perfect on any given day but a fail should be a fail. All alone we can do what we want but we are not alone. No matter how hard I try. It's so hard to follow my rules. Why doesn't everyone*** else have to? If they do then maybe I will too.
*alan's personal not-necessarily-logical, logic
**feelings may not make sense, they just feel
***most people, not you of course
But anyway. I also think love does _and_ doesn't exsist because it is what you make it... wouldn't make sense if worked otherwise.
Oh and my hair is perfect length right now. It is exactly the colour, texture, and beauty of a golden retriever.
Okay. Two (or three?) glasses of wine down. Am I done? Can I eat now? Is this post complete? How do I finish? Oh sheeeeit. Grade 1 through 13 english, this ones for you...
In conclusion****, things are good, things are bad. This was proven through Alan's struggle to deal with other people's opinions and life choices. He cannot handle the recklessness and complete abandon of logic people tend to live their lives by. He does, however, manage. Day to day he struggles and stagers, down the snakes and up the ladders to see life in new light, daily. Ultimatly when he looks beyond a day into the future he has lost. All is lost. The only way to live and become old is to know that no matter how bad shit gets, everyday ends. Just make a to-do list or something. Everyday ends.
Ev'ryday does end
It doesn't really matter
If that's good or bad
****how I started every single last paragraph of every essay I ever wrote.
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